Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
