I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
