we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
