My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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