My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
