How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
