It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
