Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize