I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize