Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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