It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
