So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
