Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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