i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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