Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
