I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
be right there i have to get my cape
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
