My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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