Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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