I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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