he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
