Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
