you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
