I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
