I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
