Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
