I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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