Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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