david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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