I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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