I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
