We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.