Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I deserve this hangover.