Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i would punch a child for taco bell
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...