Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am one with the molecules
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot