I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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