I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"