best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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