Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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