When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
