Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
