you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
