He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
