How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
