whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
