I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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