the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
