I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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