I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
