Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
