there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
