I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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