god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize