I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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