If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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