in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
