i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I came so hard my ears popped.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
