"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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