Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
