Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
