can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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