you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
