Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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