i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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