look no pants
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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