I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
