I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
