There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
