connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
