I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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