I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
