why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
