You smell like a Billy Joel song
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
