Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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