He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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