Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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