In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
