The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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