Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
People in love make me want to vomit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
